I love you Emily for saying that to me this morning. I know it was your way to make a joke and see me smile and it worked. I thank you for finding some humor with what has transpired in the last 20 hours. I must have raised you right, kiddo…
Yesterday I wrote a post titled I Can Find the Good in Anything. Well has that come back to bite me in the ass.
Do you know when you get the stomach flu how you will never eat the food(s) you were eating right before it happened? That is what went through my head last night after Tyler came home with news about our 6 yr old, Golden Retriever, Emma.
She had a vet appointment yesterday. She had injured her leg about a month ago – I thought she injured it from playing rough with Jack, our German Shepherd. It healed right away and she stopped limping within a day. Then it happened again and got better, and again, until this weekend when it swelled up. So we made an appointment to bring her in.
That was the menu last night. That is what I was making while he was at the vet. I never want to smell or taste that food again.
We texted back and forth, I knew she needed an x-ray. I was hoping against hope that nothing was broken. I hadn’t heard back from him for 45 minutes and then he opened the door. Emma bounded in still limping and looking for a treat. Tyler couldn’t even get out what was wrong, he just cried. Finally he told me.
She has bone cancer. They have to amputate her leg.
WHERE ARE THE WONDER PETS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?
I was in shock. Not my Emma. And then it hit me and I sobbed and sobbed, big gut wrenching, can’t breathe sobs. I got it together long enough to tell Emily who handled the news pretty well. Partly because I think she was in shock over seeing me, so broken. But I just kept losing it and sobbed more and more.
Good Thing #1: It is not bad news about my kids.
In all honesty, I am surprised at how much I have been crying. I just can’t stop. I keep wondering if it because there is so much we do not know yet, until we go see a specialist. Or is it because she has no clue what is going to happen? Or is it the guilt from being mad at her from when she was a puppy and ate/dug/ruined so many things? I should have taken her for more walks or brushed her more. But, that’s not it.
It is because I can’t tell her how much I love her. Or tell her how absolutely wonderful it was when she came with me for every single diaper change and feeding for the 1st 3 months of Sarah’s life. Or tell her how it is going to be okay -I will be there for her like she has always been there for me.
She is not allowed to play. I have to keep the dogs separated. The vet said her leg could “shatter” at any time.
That is such a visually descriptive word.
I did some research thanks to the World Wide Web and found out that as long as it hasn’t spread to her lungs; chances are, it is going to be okay. It is going to be tough for everyone and a lot of work, but hopefully she is going to be okay. Supposedly, she can live out the rest of her life, normally, with 3 legs.
Good Thing #2: It is not a death sentence.
Tyler and I didn’t even discuss the money. It was a no brainer. We will get it done. I have no clue how much it is going to cost but we have already decided that we will find a way. We never can seem to afford a new kitchen floor, but today “suddenly” we will make this work? How does that happen?
Good Thing #3: He hasn’t been one of the many who have lost their jobs.
This morning I had to function and go grocery shopping with Sarah. She was born with her hip severely dislocated. They told us she would have to wear a sling to hold it in place and would probably need surgery. X-ray after x-ray, it got better on its own. No sling or surgery.
When my dad was diagnosed with a rare kidney disease he was told the waiting list for a transplant was at least 7 years. It happened in 3
. His kidney functions better than most peoples’ now.
Good Thing #4: Good things can happen.
While at the grocery store we walked by a display of Christmas Cd’s that were playing music. 2 days ago I was making Christmas Lists, now I am hoping that there are 2 bones under the tree from Santa. I pretty much wanted to vomit on the spot. I stopped the cart and Sarah spotted a ball that she had to have. I looked at her with her pretty blue, attention getting glasses and chuckled:
Good Thing #5: If I take Sarah and Emma out in public after Emma’s amputation, no one is going to comment on Sarah’s glasses anymore.
And that even made me laugh.